i float on the water about a foot above the sand, low enough to feel the grass tickle my back. i have my cool shades on so i can look up at the sky and see the cloud formations hovering a couple of hundred feet above me. the warm water, the hot air, the bright sun, and the quiet surround me in an island of peace. the cries of my 4 younger children building sand fortresses on the beach 20 yards away, are faint but joyful. i am detached, but not alone, which adds to, and does not detract from, the tranquility of the moment.
it was a piece of time i wanted frozen. i could stay in this moment for an eternity. i was filled with a serenity i had not felt for a long time.
motion meant the relentless passing of time, and i wanted so much for it to stop. no more rising and falling of the tides; no more winds to disturb the cloud masses; no more going back to everyday problems; no more aging; no more unwanted cells growing inside me; no more dying. let this moment just be, and be, and be.
i guess this is what yogis in yoga postures, zen buddhists in meditation, and religious mystics in intense prayer, sought to achieve. when you are able to shut motion down, your reward is peace and serenity.
but as i continued to gaze at the clouds, i realized that the shapes i thought were fixed and stable, were actually full of motion. tufts of clouds in the cloud formations, espcially at the edges, were pushed to and fro by gentle puffs of air. they would move a few feet up or down, left or right, then move back to, approximately, their original places; never in the exact same position, yet very close, so that the whole formation though constantly in motion, only imperceptibly changed its shape. thus, a lion's head slowly became a turtle. a woman's head changed, without noticeably doing so, into a cartoon car.
under me, the sea moved, gently lifting me up and setting me down much as the chest of a sleeping baby will rise and fall. at my back, the leaves of the undersea grass danced to and fro.
inside me, my stomach quietly rumbled, its acids digesting bits of food in my intestines. my heart was beating and i could almost imagine the blood coursing through my veins.
everything above me, below me, around me, and in me, was in motion. the entire universe itself of stars, planets, black holes, and cosmic dust was moving. life in motion! life IS motion!
the turbulance of the wind; the rising and crashing of the waves; the racing torrents of blood in my veins; the struggle of new cells in my body to be created and the destruction of old cells; the mad rush of cosmic objects in the universe away from its center; all were powerful, ceaseless forces in motion. life was not peaceful; it was chaotic.
the stability of the clouds above me; the motionlessness of the water; the stillness of my mind and body; all were simply illusions, a temporary respite. total motionlessness only comes with death. in life, peace and serenity were enjoyed when one made sense of the chaos; when motion and its effects were slowed to a minimum.
a life is not defined by the number of parties one is invited to, or how many toys one accumulates, or how may friends one acquires. that way lies chaos. a life is defined by what is inside a person, which he gains from his lessons in life, and which he nurtures and develops in peace and serenity, with the guidance of his God. peace and serenity are needed to eliminate the effects of chaos. the guidance of God is a reminder of one's unity with creation. and for what he has nurtured to bear fruit for the good of all, it must be shared.
my mistake has been in not sharing because i distrusted the wisdom and goodness of people. people, i now realize, can pick the pearls from among the garbage, the grain from the chaff. there is always something for someone, for what is garbage to one, may be a jewel to another. it is not for me to filter what i want people to see in me. it is for me to simply be who i am.
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