Love of my life

cris' birthday today. i would have liked to write a beautiful poem, or sketch her portrait. but i wouldn't dare write a poem. too late to make a nice sketch. so, here's a little something to let the world know what and who cris is to me.

1.cris is a colleague

before cris was anything, she was a colleague. i met her when i was hired by sgv as an systems analysis and programming instructor at the institute of advanced computer technology, or 'i/act'. i had had about 7 years experience by then, working in 5 or 6 different companies. i/act was cris' first job out of the u.p. college of engineering, where she majored in chemical engineering. she ended up with sgv because she was offered a scholarship in i/act to study programming and later, to work with sgv.

when i arrived in the company, i found several people whom i knew from college, or who were friends of friends. i felt like i belonged, and i showed it. cris and the other newly-graduated instructors found me loud, brass, and mayabang. guilty on all counts. it was not a very promising start for our relationship.

but from the first time i saw her, i found something special in cris. maybe it was her intelligence. she was after all, a scholar in u.p. and in i/act. i never even got a whiff of a scholarship blown my way. she had studied chemical engineering. in high school, the one experiment what got me noticed by my chemistry teacher, my duhat wine, hardly the product of a serious student.

cris was from baguio, which in those times, i considered a hick town. i was from tuguegarao, which was even more rural than baguio. she spoke english well, which is always something that impresses me.

and though she had very little knowledge of high fashion and wore clothes that belonged more in baguio than in makati, i found her very pretty. she had a nice, sexy figure; not thin, not stout either. and she had a nice, pert ass, which i secretly always watched as she walked across the room.

2.cris is a friend

despite my behavior which cris found obnoxious, we co-existed in the office. however two things brought us closer together.

first, i developed a debt of gratitude to her for saving my life. it happened during an office outing to a beach in batangas. we had walked some distance away, and decided to go for a swim. because i was a former president of our swimming club in la salle, i naturally wanted to show off.

after 10mins, about 30 yards from the rocks from where we started from, i developed cramps. cris had to tow me back to shore. that's when i admitted that i was elected president of the swimming club by my classmates whom i all defeated at billiards. it had nothing to do with my swimming skills.

she never told anyone about the embarrasing incident, for which i have always been grateful. and following the chinese adage that if you save someone's life, you have to take care of them for the rest of their lives, i attached myself to cris. if she saved me once, she would definitely do it again.

the second factor in our developing friendship was that i became her supervisor. at that time, i was made the course development manager for i/act, which meant that i was in charge of coming up with the manuals used in the individualized instruction courses we offered. cris was assigned to upgrade the cobol manuals being used. i would work out the detailed outline of the manuals with her and the other course developers, and oversee their development of the manuals.

as it turned out, i not only became her mentor at work, i became one of her mentors in life. one of the things that intrigued me about cris, was that despite her being a probinsyana, she was smart and pretty. she lacked the sophistication of the city-bred, but i believed that she merited more attention from men than she was getting. she didn't have a boyfriend, and she didn't have any suitors. which i thought was pretty strange.

so i thought to bring about a slight transformation in her to make her more attractive. i'd give her some advice about make-up and clothes. i knew more than a little about make-up and how to apply it because in high school, it was a great way to be able to get close to the girls and engage them in conversation. naturally, talk about make-up was just supposed to be a door-opener.

cris also wore clothes that marked her as a girl from the provinces. she'd wear blouses with slightly puffed-up sleeves, or round-necked dresses with lace or frilly collars. her skirts reached to below the knees, at a time when women were wearing mini-skirts. i thought she looked like an american bobby-soxer from the 50's, without the bobby socks.

i'd make suggestions on what clothes she should wear, but i never made much headway in that department. she still prefers flowery dresses. she'll only buy power coats and skirts when i force her to.

i had more luck in the make-up department. she started experimenting with the guidance of her best friend marissa. i felt good about being able to encourage her in that.

on her part, she made me feel like someone who deserved to have as a friend. she'd encourage me to join nights-out with our friends or go to office parties. she would never really stay by me, but she would make me feel like she wanted me to be there. it wasn't that she was attracted to me; she's just that type of person.

at times, i would treat her and a few friends to dinner at nice restaurants. when payday was nearing, i'd have run out of cash, and she would treat me to lunch in the office canteen. for me, it was a good deal.

one time, she probably felt i needed a good woman in my life. she arranged a blind date for me in one of my favorite restaurants, schwarzwalder. imagine my surprise and amusement, when my date turned out to be marissa, cris' best friend in i/act. marissa and i had a good laugh over it, and we enjoyed our date.

for awhile, i was seriously considering going after marissa. she was very pretty, intelligent (a u.p. graduate), drove her own car, and was fun to be with. but i knew i had to make a choice then and there. if i went after marissa, it would be goodbye to any possibility of getting next to cris. i picked cris. (sorry, marissa. nothing personal or wrong about you. but to me, you were a friend. i wanted cris as my lover.)

3.cris is a lover

i considered cris my lover even before she knew i had any designs on her. the more i saw her, the more i wanted her. but i held back for about 4 years, because i felt that if i went after her, and she responded positively, i would end up marrying her. i didn't feel that i was quite ready to get married yet.

still, i couldn't just stay away from her. i started to invite her to my pad in makati, properly accompanied by marissa or one of our other friends, of course. though once in awhile, she trusted me enough to come by herself. i would prepare dinner for us, which impressed her cause she can't even fry an egg without it ending up in the trash can. i'd cook steaks, pork chops, salads, pasta.

once i even prepared kare-kare, without using a prepared mix. i toasted and ground the rice myself, so with the peanuts. it was reeally good, but i found it too tiring and i've never done it again.

they would bring dessert, usually a cake or ice cream. we'd listen to music and just talk.

then, she got a scholarship to go to japan for 6 months to study computer technology. in order to get ready, she had to take a nippongo course. after her class, i would pick her up at about 9pm, and bring her home.

having travelled myself, i told her about my travels so that she might be able to pick up tips and techniques she might find useful in japan. i doubt she ever did because cris isn't the sort of person to resort to the tricks i used in my travels. but anyway, it served to impress her about my worldliness. at least, that's what i hoped.

graduating from advice about make-up and fashion, i began to advise her about dating and relationships with men. cris had this old-fashioned idea that a nice girl only went out with men she was serious about. i asked her how she knew who she should to be serious about unless she met other men first. it was a take on the old adage, 'to find your prince charming, you have to kiss a lot of frogs first.' i told her she would only be able to pick the right person to get married to, if she had a good basis for comparison.

i was taking a chance right there because if she went out with a lot of guys, she might find one better than me. but as i said, mayabang ako. and if she did find someone better than me, i would definitely give her my blessings because that would be a rare bird indeed.

before she left, i gave her a teddy bear to keep her company, cause that was the one thing she was worried about; that she would be on her own in japan. we must have written each other while she was away, but i don't really remember. i don't have any letters in my files, and she's never shown me one she had received from me while she was abroad.

when she came back after 6 months, she was a bit different. i wasn't surprised because travel will usually mature you in many ways. she told me about her adventures, even her dates with guys, which of course, didn't please me at all, despite all my advice to her. on my part, i hadn't been exactly living a chaste existance, so i couldn't complain.

it wasn't until i had my 35th birthday that i decided it was time to get married, and i only had cris in mind. sayang siya. baka maunahan pa ako.

one day in october 1985, we decided to go out as a twosome with lilet, a housemate of hers, who was celebrating her birthday, and ac, a guy who was kinda sweet on lilet. the legend was we would chaperone them because it was to be their first date. we went to the billboard bar on makati ave (don't bother looking for it now. it's long gone.) since it was still early, we had the place practically to ourselves.

a few minutes after entering the place, ac took lilet to the farthest corner of the disco and talked to her earnestly. she asked, 'so, what shall we do?' i said, 'we'll talk too.' she goes, 'about what?' i couldn't believe she had no idea of my interest in her. i said, 'about us, of course.' she's shocked, 'about us??? what do you mean?' plain and simple, i said, 'will you be my girlfriend?'

coming from where she was, you can imagine what a long and puzzling conversation we had. puzzling, on her part; frustrating on mine. why couldn't she accept that i was interested in her as more than just a friend. i'll spare you the burden of knowing what we said to each other. enough for you to know that she was surprised, confused, incredulous, bothered, and bewildered.

i felt i had to really press the issue. if i gave her too much time to think about it, there was a good chance she would come to her senses and turn me down. i told her i was giving her 10 days to think about it. if she accepted me, great. if she rejected me, i would be out of her life forever. she would never see me again. knowing my history of changing jobs as easily as i changed my clothes, she believed i would do it too. i'd get back to her after that to find what her answer was. 'yes' or 'no', that's all i wanted to hear.

she couldn't totally take in everything that was happening. we started out the evening as friends, chaperoning a couple of other friends. now, here i was, supposedly one of her best friends, giving her just 10 days to decide whether or not to enter into a serious relationship with me.

and where did i get the 10 days grace period from? well, i remembered that my father courted my mother in 11 days, after which she completely fell for him. if he could do that, 16 years the senior of my mom, a widowed military man with 10 legal children, i felt i could do it too to someone 11 years my junior. besides, i really didn't want to give cris the luxury of time. i've always believed speed in offense will win the day.

but i'm sure you're dying to know how cris is as a real lover. well, 6 children should be enough proof. and i have to say, it wasn't always me making the first move.

4.cris is a wife

we were married on 3 mar 1986. we wanted a small, private wedding, so we scheduled the ceremony at 8am, at the u.p. chapel, which i had always liked. it was a monday morning, so we didn't expect a lot of officemates to show up, especially since we only gave them about a week's notice, and edsa 1 was in full swing, shutting down edsa. but a lot of people made it, which was a very pleasant surprise for cris and i. it always surprises me when i'm shown proof that people actually like me. probably because i know myself too well.

frank, sgv principal and ceo of i/act. was there. so was fides and her husband, benjie. bonnie margaret and her husband, mon, came with my good friend ime (i knew she wouldn't miss this affair), lilet, and many others. my mom and my brothers were all present, with their girlfriends at the time. cris' mom and sisters were there with their husbands and children. our extended families were in attendance too.

we had the reception at my uncle toots' garden in his house in magdalena rolling hills, just off broadway st. it was great because the presidential table was set under a huge mango tree which had lots of tiny flowering butterfly orchids. my aunt, tita fely, was pleasantly surprised at the flowers because she said they only came out once a year, and they decided to come out exactly at our reception.

it was a wonderful and most meaningful wedding.

when we started out, i would do the marketing with cris trailing behind me. she didn't want the market vendors talking to her, mistaking her for the one responsible for the marketing. she let me pick the meat and the veggies.

back home, i'd cook the meals. she would wash the dishes. i hated cleaning the house, so she did it. i didn't like washing clothes either, and didn't want her doing it, so we'd bring our dirty clothes to my mom's house so the help could launder and iron them for us.

over the years, cris has been very supportive of me. i made her practice her driving, tho she wasn't that excited about it. we had a 20-year old mercedes benz, the only car we could afford. before she felt she was ready to drive on her own, i was assigned to bangladesh for 2 months, so she had to manage by herself, while nursing our child. when i came back, she picked me up at the naia, driving the car. cool!

while i was gone, cris had to arrange for the purchase of my former pad from the owners. she had to go through the hassle of making sure the papers were okay, of arranging for a loan, and for getting the title transferred to us.

when we had to do a major renovation of the house 4 years after we bought it, i had to leave for another project abroad for 4 months. cris had to oversee the renovations while living in the construction site itself. i came back, the renovations were 95% done, and cris vowed she would never go through that again.

yet, she did go through it one more time, but this time, i had the good sense to stay at home. i didn't want to test the limits of her patience.

5.cris is a cheerleader

in business, i've been a ... how can i say this diplomatically... an abject failure. i've entered into so many different ventures and have lost a bundle. in between, and after i left sgv, i worked for a few more companies, but i never did well, because i never learned to get on well with my superiors. i've done i.t. consulting with mixed results. i'd do well in one project only to fail in the next.

yet, cris was always there ready to support me, giving me advice when i asked for it, helping me figure out the finances of my ventures. of course, after a while she quit doing the numbers because she saw they were hopeless.

cris had to bear the brunt of my business and employment failures. it came to the point where she told me to just stay at home because when i worked, i'd come home irritable and quarrel with everyone in the house. she preferred that i stay with the children cause i knew how to play with them.

we used to really quarrel quite a bit until she decided that having me as a husband and father of our children was more important to her than my making millions. on my part, i mellowed down, for how can you not, given such obvious love and devotion from your wife. i'm a much nicer person because of cris.

6.cris is a doctor

ever since we started our family, cris has been the doctor of the house. she remembers all the instructions of the doctors we consult with. she even understands what they say, which is something i could never do. (everytime i listen to a doctor, i feel like an alien who has just arrived from the planet pluto.) she knows what medications to give to the children for what illness, even before she calls up matett, our pediatrician friend. she's even apt to offer medical advice to our friends, which always makes me cringe, until i remember she'll never be slapped a malpractice suit cause she's not a licensed doctor anyway.

you've already read in my previous blog posts how she has been nurse and doctor to me in my condition. without her, i will say without exaggeration, that i would probably be a wasted relic by now.

she makes sure my supply of medication is adequate. she sorts out the various pills and capsules i have to take after every breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and sometimes, in between. she (blush! blush!) administers the enema i need to have.

and when i feel down, she lifts up my spirits. she never shows she's bothered about my illness. no matter what the doctors say about my condition, she gives me a happy smile and tells me, 'you're fine. you're ok.' i say she's the best human doctor i can have.

this blog post is my birthday surprise for cris. it is my first blog i did not let her edit.

happy birthday, dear. thanks for your patience, your simplicity, your humility, and your love.


yoyo update clarification

i think my last yoyo update got a lot of you worried about me, specially the part about the mean average lifetime of 5.67 months.

i've known about that statistic since i got out of the hospital, or something close to it. it's nothing new. it's a statistic. don't let it worry you. it wasn't my intention to do that; i was just saying that's what i got from the web.

just keep on praying for me and for everyone you love.