here we go again!

gahds! it's so difficult growing old. you're forced to learn difficult new words now and then. last year, i learned about radical nephrectomy, renal cancer, metastasized cells, diabetes, and fasting blood sugar. towards the end of the year, there were retinopathy, amblyopia, and cataract surgery.

this year, the new words are blood clots, venal thrombosis, leaky valve, mitral valve prolapse, and blood coagulation. when will it ever end?

dec 2009. dr jimmy told me i was cancer-free; but had to continue my protocol for 6 more months to be cancer-free? no problemo!

april 2010. he said i could finally drop the raw liver from my diet, and cut down on the raw pork pancreas from 7 servings a day to just 3. maintenance medicine. well, alright!

then, i started to get cocky. i would cheat on my diet. nothing big; no red meat definitely. one day, a lick of vanilla ice cream. a week later, a bite of edam or gouda cheese. a few days later, maybe a small slice of chocolate fudge cake. then, store-bought baguette with margarine and cheese. and chocolate-chip cookies. and pancakes with maple syrup.

like any forbidden activity, it starts out small. when nothing tremendously bad happens, no lightning and thunderclaps, no loud booming voice from above saying, "hah! you cheat!", then you add a little more to the sin. the next day, a little bit more. until one day, you realize, what started out as cheating is now your normal, run-of-the-mill, everyday life. i'm sure you know how that goes.

this last may, i got involved with the ppcrv (parish pastoral council for responsible voting) in the country's 1st automated elections. on election day, i manned my post at a public elementary school a couple of blocks from our home, at 630am. it was a very busy day, and at one point, i had to run up and down 4 flight of stairs from my assigned poll precinct to the ppcrv information table downstairs, back up to the precinct, down to the 2nd floor to the principal's office, and up again. i stayed until 10pm, then had to go to another school building to manage a situation between a ppcrv member and a teacher who was the chairman of the electoral board of a precinct. it entailed running up 3 flights of stairs, down to the 2nd floor and up again (twice) and then back down again.

two days later, my right foot and lower leg had swelled up to a fourth more than its ordinary size. for those who don't know it, i suffered 3rd degree burns in my right lower leg more than 30 years ago, that almost left me crippled. at times,the leg gets tired and gets swollen, but usually, it lasts for no more than a day or 2. this time, the swelling didn't ease up, as i kept hoping it would.

late june, i finally decided to see dr jimmy. he muscled-tested my fasting blood sugar. at 131, it was much higher than is good for me. diabetes reared it's ugly head!

he instructed me to follow the diabetes protocol, and take all the listed supplements. he reminded me of my water and natural salt intake. and lastly, he told me to take the 6 siling labuyo with 2 saba bananas, some salt, and 3 glasses of water, 3 times a day.

i immediately followed all his instructions, except for the siling labuyo. my problem with that isn't how hot it gets. i can handle that fine. (note: i found out that drinking water immediately after eating the silis is a no-no. the water just moves the spiciness all over my mouth. i wait about 10 mins before i drink the water.) my problem is with the taiwanese labuyos. the native kind is just as spicy, but about a third the size of the taiwanese variety, and has a thinner skin. the taiwanese kind is thick-skinned and tastes like plastic. everytime i put the minced labuyos in my mouth, i cringe. so, i cheat again. instead of 3 times a day, i'm good for 2 times.

anyway, my right leg was still swollen. then, on my birthday, i went to renew my license (i barely passed the eye examinations!), when i tripped on the driveway of the land transportation office. i hit the ground with both knees, though i was able to cushion my fall with my left middle finger nail (which broke) and my right hand. there were no scratches on my knees, so, no big deal. i still got my license renewed.

a couple of days later, my left knee felt good again, but my right knee had swelled up too, and the swelling went down to my already swollen ankle. i let it be for another 2 days. then, i gave up.

cris called for an appointment with dr jimmy, but his schedule was full. as he sometimes did, he simply did long-distance muscle-testing on me.

the next day, yesterday, the family had just come from a chinese lunch on timog ave, courtesy of ponch, when dr jimmy's assistant, annie, called me on my mobile. i'm driving and she tells me, "dr jimmy says you have 2 blood clots in your lower right leg, 1 on your left leg, 1 at the top of your brain, and 1 at the back of your brain. and you also have a leaky heart valve. you need some new supplements." because i'm some cool dude, i didn't lose control of the van. i simply changed courses and headed back to dr jimmy's.

he was in consultation with a new patient, but he graciously stepped out to see cris and me. he confirmed what annie said over the phone, and added that the treatment with the new supplements would take 15 weeks, and gave me the dosages for each supplement. plus, the admonition to drink plenty of water and eat my daily ration of siling labuyo.

i went home. i did my internet research on blood clots and leaky valves, and learned all those wonderful new words that easily bring fear into the hearts (no pun intended) of ordinary mortals. now i know why my leg is swollen (and it's not just diabetes); why i sometimes run out of breath going up to the 3/f of our temporary apartment dwelling place; why i seem to be gaining weight despite my almost vegetarian diet; why i need frequent rests/naps during the day. good to know.

so, here i am again, back in full protocol mode; 3 in fact, 1 for diabetes, 1 for the retinopathy, and 1 for the heart problems. making sure i stick to my diet, though i still eat some things i shouldn’t, but i'm very conscious again that this is cheating, and it ain't good.

the title of this update is "here we go again", because you have been, and will always be, with me on the journey. we went through the cancer crises together, and Inshallah, we will get through this problem too.

and that's still life as benjie, having a midnight snack of my 3rd fix for the day of saba and taiwanese siling labuyo (i still can't stand that plastic taste!)

a year's new lease on life

(intro: i had just decided i had more things to add to this blog, so to refresh my memory, i looked at my file of old blogs and to my surprise, i found this old, unposted update. it should have been posted about 26 april 2010, the 1st anniversary of my radical nephrectomy, but somehow, it didn't. and it should.)

it sure's feels good to be alive instead of pushing up grass from a hole in the ground. whatever problems we face, however difficult your lives are, alive is still better than it's alternative.

if you don't think so, you felt death's cold breath on your nape as he comes calling. you haven't tried looking beyond a month's time and seeing nothing but darkness. you haven't held your spouse or your youngest (o r eldest, whatever) child, and thought that it might be the last time. you haven't woken up to a gentle sunrise, thankful that you're still there to see it. you ought to try it sometime. you'll gain a whole new perspective.

i'll admit i still have days when i get depressed, but doesn't everyone? it sneaks up on me and i begin to wonder whether i, and everyone else, wouldn't be better off if i weren't around.

and then i remember how scared i was just a year ago, when i learned i had renal cancer, and more so when it was said to have metastasized to my left lung and my right arm. talk about being afraid. how i prayed then - masses, visits to the Blessed Sacrament, service to the church whenever called upon, and more prayers every time i was alone and wasn't doing anything. how hard i worked at my healing protocol, sticking religiously to my diet, exercising even when i felt tired and just wanted to sleep, eating my raw pork pancreas and my raw beef liver.

i remember several friends and friends of friends who suffered their own journeys of illness, treatments, prayers, and are no longer among us. and those who struggled and are still struggling, but thankful to wake up in the mornings. some of them were mentioned in the healing prayers request section of this blog.

and i remember the gift of life i received from our Lord, along with the gifts of courage, hope, and love of family and friends. and i remember the joy of feeling the sun in my face, the cool evening breeze. i am glad to feel comfort n the pleasant company of friends. i revel in the service i am able to give my church and my God.

and i know i still like alive better than not alive. oh, i long for the company of my Creator, no doubt, but as long as He lets me live, i will be thankful. bad days are temporary, they will pass. i will not let them define my life.

in gratitude for the gift of the past year, i must acknowledge the support and devotion of those who, aside from the Lord, made the year possible.

• Cris, for always being there, never showing the slightest sign of faltering in her support; from the day i first felt pain, to the time we received news about the biopsy, to deciding about the treatment we would use, and through everyday that she had to help me with my protocol. when the oncologist mentioned the p248k/month medication, she bravely told to me that we could probably raise the money if we were sure the medicine would help. what a faithful and pretty liar my wife can be when she needs to be, though not a very convincing one.
• the mother and daughter tandem of Melds and Erica, for patiently preparing my raw pancreas and liver, vegetable salad, brown rice, blanched veggies, fresh fruit juices, and brewed coffee; constantly reminding me to eat properly; even preparing my baon when i have to have my meals outside.
• Ponch, Christo, Mikey, Jerome, Jeremiah, and Anne for just by being there, laughing and horsing around, at times even disappointing and angering me. the good times and the bad were all privileges of life.
• my vast family of brothers, in-laws, cousins, and aunts who provide food supplements, organic salt, walnuts, almonds, and pistachios, encouraging words of support, and valuable prayers.
• my friends who help out in countless ways from introducing me to alternative medicine, sending email that lift me up and cheer me on in the struggle, to gifts of kesong puti and buko pie and needed funds, to requests for blog updates that encourage me to share my journey.
• to my doctors in makati med who provided the first line of cure; even my oncologist had a part to play in the selection of my treatment.
• to dr dy-liacco for his protocol and patient consultations and advice; to dr bernardo for encouragement in using alternative medicine and showing new possibilities of healing medicine; and to annie, dr dy-liacco's assistant for her openness and willingness to help out.

i can't thank you all by name (i might use up my entire google allotment), but you know who you are, and you know how valuable your being with us on this journey has been. don't be too shy or too humble to acknowledge your contributions to my being here today. it would have been much more difficult without you.

so to all, my deepest gratitude for this extension of my life. i'll try to be worthy of your concern and active participation.

and that's life as benjie today, striving to live up to the value of family and friends.